Cullen's Precious Duckling
by Zammie4eva
Summary: It had always been like this. The sad love story of Cullen and Holly Amell, Hero of Fereldan.


It had always been this way, ever since they had met.

Orphaned from a young age, Cullen had been taken in by the Chantry, and trained as a Templar. He was given to the Circle of Magi on his sixteenth nameday, as a reluctant recruit. But, grateful to the Chantry for taking him in, he watched the older Templars and learned his duties fairly quickly. He still remembered the day she was brought to the Tower. A tiny girl, with long delicate red hair wispy around her tiny ears. They had brought her in from a storm, she was freezing and drenched, soaked through to the bone she resembled a drowned rat as she squirmed about on the floor in front of the fire in Irving's office.

She'd been found wandering around alone in Denerim, the Chantry alerted the Circle of her existence when she'd accidentally set the Revered Mother's robes on fire by sneezing. A child of eight at the time, her impossibly large hazel eyes darted around the room, taking everything in. They told him she'd come from over the Waking Sea, shut in a crate on a merchant vessel. She was so scrawny it was a wonder she'd survived so long without food and water, but she was so full of energy as she hopped about on unsteady legs, looking at the bits and pieces of the room under the watchful eye of Irving and the Templars.

When Cullen was walking down a corridor absently one day, several weeks after the girl's arrival to the Tower, he heard the distinct pitter-patter of little feet following him. He turned, the sound of running feet stopped, accompanied by a child giggling, hiding not so well behind a door. He turned and began to walk again only to have her follow once more, when he turned back she ran back behind the door. He smiled. He stepped over to the door and crouched down beside the giggling girl.

"You can't keep following me," he said.

"Why not?" she asked.

Cullen paused. He didn't actually have an answer to that.

"Well, I'm a Templar, you're just not allowed to." he said.

"Doesn't sound like a good reason to me," the little girl said.

"Well...no it isn't is it?" Cullen said sheepishly. "What is your name?"

"Holly." the red-haired child replied. "Holly Amell."

"I'm Cullen."

Holly beamed at him. Cullen straightened up, "Come on then little duckling," he chuckled, and when he turned to keep walking, Holly trailed along behind, three steps behind him. He smiled.

After that day, Holly followed him everywhere. The mages thought it was adorable, the little mage girl following about the young Templar like a duckling following its mother. Cullen found himself looking in on her lessons as she sat quietly at her desk as her mentor spoke to her in soft words. She was a diligent student, spending long hours in the library researching theories of magic and tapping into each field of spells she was allowed to practise. Even as young as she was, she had a spark for magic. She was a natural talent, so got everything so quickly and mastered her powers so easily. Cullen watched her grow into an intelligent young lady, and as independent as she got as she grew older, she still followed behind him wherever he went in her free time. He grew to adore her smile, she had a smile that was so radiant as to banish all troubles from his heart. Among the Tower's inhabitants he was unofficially her keeper, as everyone knew they were near inseparable. Holly would sneak up on him and pounce on his back, long red hair flowing over her shoulders as she laughed. She laughed so loudly a Senior Enchanter had to shoo them away to another part of the Tower.

On her fourteenth nameday Cullen found her in the library as usual, with Jowan. Jowan was the only mage to have befriended her since coming to the Tower, most of the apprentices resented her for her close friendship with Cullen, a Templar, the 'enemy'. Upon seeing Cullen, Jowan made an excuse that he had to go study, and left them alone. Blinking her large hazel eyes Holly looked up at Cullen, curiosity shining in those beautiful orbs.

"What do you have there Cullen?" she asked pointing at the box in his hands.

"Well, today is your nameday," Cullen replied taking a seat next to her and moving the large tomes she had been reading from previously.

"Is it?" she asked. "How do you know that?"

"I don't. I'm just guessing,"

Holly laughed. "Cullen I told you I don't remember anything before the Templars found me in the Chantry. I don't know my nameday,"

"Today's the day you came to the Circle," Cullen smiled. "I've dubbed it your unofficial nameday. Haven't you noticed I've always celebrated it on this day?"

She paused, a thoughtful look on her face. "Do you really now? I thought you were just making it up randomly. Oh this is much better," she smiled sweetly at him, sitting up in her chair. "It's a very sweet thought thank you, but you didn't have to get me anything."

Cullen shrugged. "You don't get to have many worldy possessions, the ones you do have might as well be mine."

"Awww you big softie," Holly cooed.

"Just open your present and stop teasing me," Cullen said abashed, a delicate blush rising on his cheeks. "Open it quick or I'll take it back little duckling,"

"Told you to stop calling me that," Holly stuck out her tongue and opened the box. "Oh...that's so pretty..."

She held up the length of silk, shimmering gold medallions hanging from one edge, tinkling as she moved it.

"It's a sash. You could wear it around your neck or your waist but what's important is that Owain says its enchanted to warm the wearer. It gets cold in the apprentice quarters after all." Cullen explained.

"Oh thank you," Holly hugged Cullen over his clunky armour. "It's a perfect nameday gift."

She looped the silken sash around her neck as a scarf, and that's where it stayed for years to come. As years went by and Cullen improved his training and Holly mastered spell after spell, their friendship only grew stronger. Cullen, given the choice, would have never became a Templar. He didn't necessarily agree with the Order's philosophy and its views on mages. Look at her, Holly was the most sweet and intelligent human being Cullen had ever met, how could something so beautiful be evil? He didn't believe all mages were just waiting for an opportunity to become abominations, no matter what his fellow Templars told him.

Holly grew quite confident under her mentors and the eyes of the Templars, and as she grew from a young lady into a blossoming woman, Cullen found his gaze lingering too long on her swaying hips as she left or her chest as she approached. He tried to stop it, he knew it wasn't right. She was a mage, he a Templar – this was unheard of! The idea of a relationship, it was not only forbidden, but it was insane. He couldn't. He had a duty, however heavy-heartedly he did it, he could not cross that line. Yes they were friends, there was nothing wrong with being friends to your charges, made watching them all the more easier. But love...no. No it was wrong. It was not right.

Love? Was that what this feeling was? Cullen had been raised in the Chantrry, his heart and sould dedicated to the Chant and the Order since before he could remember. He'd never allowed himself to feel anything for anyone before, never had the opportunity in fact. But she...she was so beautiful...Holly was his best friend, they told each other everything. They had counted the stars together so many times Cullen had lost count, they'd made shapes in the clouds, spoke of their beliefs, their hopes for the future, so much had they shared...but no. He couldn't possibly...could he?

Be falling for her?

He was reminded of a conversation they'd had when Holly was still new to the Circle.

"Holly?"

"Yes?" Holly had looked up from the fire at him, clutching one of her baby teeth in her palm.

"Where are you from?" Cullen sat by her side, peering at the tooth.

"Not sure."

"You don't know?"

Holly shrugged. "Don't remember. Where are you from?"

"Don't know." Cullen smiled ruefully. "I was orphaned, my parents moved about a lot, but I was too young to remember the names of the places."

"We're alike." Holly smiled. "Were your parents nice?"

"Yes. I don't remember much about them, but my mother had such kind eyes."

"I don't remember my parents."

"You don't?"

Holly shook her head. "I remember...faces. Yelling, angry faces..." she frowned. "And a box...a dark and cold box...the sound of waves...hunger...and the Chantry sisters and their warm robes."

Cullen wrapped a comforting arm around her as he noticed she was shaking. It sounded to him as though she had been abandoned. Perhaps her parents discovered her magic and literally shipped her across the sea.

"Don't worry Holly. You have me now. And I'll look after you."

"Cullen?"

Cullen snapped out of his revere, to see an eighteen year old Holly standing in front of her, a quirky grin on her face.

"What were you thinking about with such vigour?"

"N-Nothing..." Cullen stammered.

"Ah I see, thinking about my curves were you?" Holly said swaying her hips for side to side.

Cullen went red. "N-No!"

She laughed. "Naughty Templar, thinking about a mage like that."

"I-I wasn't - "

"It's alright, I don't mind." she winked at him, walking passed him down the corridor. "Oh, and there's something I want to talk to you about tonight after my lesson. I'll meet you here."

That night marked their first kiss. The moment he'd walked in and her lip touched his, he'd pinned her to the wall, the kiss turning hungry.

"This isn't right." he murmured. "We shouldn't..."

"Ssshh..." Holly placed her finger to his lips. "It's okay. We're not mage and Templar. We're just two humans. Two humans that want each other."

"You want me?" Cullen's voiced was strained. "But I'm so much older..."

"I love you. I don't care Cullen. I don't care at all." She kissed him again, and no more words were spoken that night.

If she didn't care, then neither did he.

Years went by, peacefully in the Circle. But as Holly's twenty-first nameday approached, and also her Harrowing, Cullen grew restless. Greagoir had set him with the task of striking the killing blow should she fail her Harrowing and became possessed. Cullen knew why he'd chosen him, he disapproved of their close relationship. While he couldn't prove they had any involvement other than friendship he suspected it, and it was just his style to have Cullen kill his precious little duckling should she fail the test.

"Cullen, sweetheart," Holly's voice murmured softly in his ear as he paced in the hall waiting for her. "Don't fret. I'll be fine. You'll see."

"But what if you're not?" Cullen whispered. "What if I have to...I have to..."

"Sshh." Holly placed a comforting kiss on his cheek. "I will be fine. And even if I'm not, I'd want no one else to save me from myself."

She'd been right, she'd passed cleaner and quicker than any mage ever had. But all through her trial he panicked, hand on his sword, reading for the slight trace of blood magic or demons. When she'd opened her eyes, Maker the relief had been so intense he'd nearly passed out. Her never-ending confidence sparkled in her eyes and her cocky grin as she sauntered on down to the floor with them.

"I did it?" she'd asked.

"You did." he'd whispered.

"That's good." she'd murmured, before she collapsed in his arms.

Panicked, he'd picked her up like she were made of glass. Irving told him not to worry, she was only tired, and he'd brought her to her bed in the apprentice quarters. He watched her sleep peacefully for a while before he had to go and attend to his duties. When she'd woken, she sought him out.

"Cullen!" she cried joyfully when she saw him.

"I'm so glad you passed you're Harrowing," he said softly. "I would have never forgiven myself if I'd had to...you know."

"I told you I'd be fine."

"You've always been so confident," He chuckled.

"Cullen are you busy right now?" her face was strange, full of something he didn't recognise. Then he identified it.

"Ah, yes. Maybe another time?" he winked subtly, and she nodded and walked into the room behind him.

After a quick glance around, he joined her. She pounced on him, passionate as ever, lips locked on his and his fingers threading themselves into her waist-long hair.

"I'm so glad you made it my love," he whispered.

"I was so scared I'd fail," Holly admitted. "But I knew I couldn't. I could never force you to live with yourself, if I'd failed and you had to strike me down. I couldn't let you live with that guilt. I did it for you."

"Maker I love you, my beautiful little duckling," he smiled.

She chuckled. "Will you ever stop calling me that?"

"Never."

"I love you too." she said softly.

"I want you to have something. A gift for doing so well in the Harrowing," Cullen said handing her something.

"Cullen you give me too many gifts," she half-scolded taking it. "An amulet? It's beautiful."

A crescent moon of pure sapphire on a silver base and chain.

"It belonged to my mother. I want you to have it." Cullen said blushing.

"Oh Cullen..." tears filled her eyes and he cupped her face to kiss her ever so gently once more.

She slipped it around her neck as he resumed his post, and she smiled as she went to meet with Jowan for whatever it was he wanted.

"I love you," she whispered as she went passed.

"Love you more," he whispered back with a tender smile.

Cullen had no idea that would be the last time he saw his precious duckling. Dragged off with Duncan for a crime she didn't commit not three hours later, her scared eyes thrown over her shoulder at him as she left haunted his dreams. He loved her, so much.

The demons loved that. And he hated it.

The next time they met, he was a very different man to the one she remembered. Hatred ran so deep inside him, he could barely look at her. He fixed eyes filled with disgust at her, that broke her heart. The next time they met, she denied him, she saved her home, and won his disdain forever. The next time they met, he would have killed her in a moment if he suspected her to be a threat.

"I thought you...you loved me..."

Her heartbroken whisper came to him from the demonic field he was surrounded in. eyes blazing with fury, he scoffed.

"You are a _mage_." he spat the word like it was a curse, and watched without emotion as her eyes filled with tears. "And I a Templar."

Her hurt filled expression would haunt him, even if he didn't know it then. But the hurt was covered quickly by her own disdain, and Cullen realised she was also a very different woman than he remembered.

"You're right." she said flatly. "I am a mage. Goodbye Cullen."

The amulet he'd given to her flashed before his eyes, swinging around her neck, nestled at the base of his throat. The silk sash was wrapped around her waist.

He closed his eyes. _Goodbye...my love..._

She was gone again from the Tower before he could register her arrival, off to fight the Blight.

He found himself praying...

His precious duckling, against an Archdemon. His hatred, his new hatred of mages and magic, they slipped for long enough to fear for her. His Holly. His beautiful love. Mages were evil, he knew that now, they were dangerous and crafty and cruel and _evil. _They could not be treated like people.

"_I love you Cullen..."_

But how could something so beautiful...be evil...?

His precious duckling...

That was the last time he ever saw Holly Amell. She didn't survive the battle with the Archdemon. She gave her life to save Fereldan. How could something so beautiful, be evil...

"I knew an Amell once." Cullen told Hawke with a heavy heart. "She was...a special woman."


End file.
